i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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