My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
