So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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