last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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