I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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