you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
