So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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