Porn is love you can see.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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