Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
