On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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