god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You have to summon your inner elephant
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
