you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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