I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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