wanna go halves on a baby?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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