she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
