God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
