I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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