i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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