A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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