well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
