I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
