she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
