oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
