Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
