If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dick very happy bro
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
