he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
