just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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