the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
