so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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