yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can you bring me the toilet please
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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