I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
