Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
