Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
