also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
