I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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