Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
