it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
