So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fuck appropriateness.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize