Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I cockslap morals
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
