And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
