Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
