so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
