so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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