dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
