but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
