Yo dont text me then not text me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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