his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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