where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
