now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
