im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
