I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
