Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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