Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
