I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
