Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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