I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
