Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize