i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
