I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize