Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
