I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
