i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
