Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
