i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
