Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize