God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize