Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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