Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
