This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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