UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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