I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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