I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
