did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
