i think i have herpe
just one?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
