2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize