you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
