..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
