His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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