he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
