Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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