The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
