after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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