Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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