Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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