my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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