You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
