I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
