my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
