He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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