i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
