Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
