I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
