i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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