well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
