Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
