You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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