you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
should my penis look like a turkey
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
