goodnight i made you a song goodbye
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
