oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
