ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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