I must be too annoying 4 u.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
accomplished twins. life is a go
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
