I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize