he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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